Why is it socially acceptable that men have more partners than women?

This is a debate that spans the ages. In America, from my P.O.V., it seems OK for young men, I’ll say the ages of 18-35 (a good broad demographic) to have many sex partners. Casual sex is no big thing for men. It’s just a sexual satisfaction that has been met. They no longer have to see the girl. Possibly the only other time he’ll see her again is if she left her number on the coffee table or he runs into her in some off beat place like a bookstore or supermarket just to reacquaint himself and do a replay of that sexual hedonistic night of sex they shared. This man can have several x 10 of these types of encounters and can still be seen as a “stud” or just someone that his less than sexually active friends want to emulate. However, when it comes to a woman of lets say, 18-30ish (i’ll explain the age range later), who does the exact same action as this man, society sees her as a slut or some crazed nymphomaniac. Society still has this archaic view of women’s roles and how they should be led. Although some of these roles have changed and been accepted, thank God, women are still suppose to seem innocent and untouched when it comes to sex.

And yes, I am one of those people that still has the archaic view of women and sex. To me, women are suppose to be pure, the givers of life. And how can you be pure if you had one, two, three, dozen too many dicks in your hoohaa? I’m not saying women shouldn’t sleep with a few men before they get married, but to get married at 25 (which is way too young for my taste) and be with more guys than you can count on one hand is just too many, for my taste. There are 2 types of women, one type is the type men can take home and other is the type you take home to mom. I for one don’t want to be the ho of the family. Why have the family smile at you to your face then lunge for the plastic bag once you look away?

So, as I dug deeper into the never ending garbage that is the Internet, I went to see the differences in Sex drives between the sexes. and this is what I found…..

It is said that men’s sex drives are way stronger than women. I agree with this statement half-heartedly because I believe that women reach their peek of sexual hunger later in life than men do. It’s said men reach it around their early 18ish-20ish years and women in their 35ish-40ish years (remember my age range on acceptability #’s of sexual partners.) So here are a few quotes I have found:

• “40% of women have little or no sex drive.”- Dr. Phil
• “The sexual passion in man is ten times stronger than in woman.”- Sarah M. Grimkè
• “…female sexuality is distinguished more by its flexibility than anything else. . .a woman will express her sexuality only when it suits her purposes.”- Meredith F. Small

Let me get this out of the way, I am no way a follower of Dr. Phil. I feel he talks out is ass and really should be shot for humiliating people on TV about their problems. Plus I would so be interested to see how they measure that or even reach that conclusion. Because For any of us that have taken a Survey class, know we can make a survey reach any conclusion we want just by the questions that are asked. So I’m giving this poll a 25% believability factor because I don’t now what question were on it.

The second quote, can be possibly true but again, with the while sexual peak differences in men and women how was this study done? Did they compare men at their sexual peak with women at their sexual peek or did they just do the study of the same age range? Plus there are different social norms that can be affecting both sexes. Are they single? Where are they financially and career level in their lives? Are there any other factors that may be playing into this sexual behavior? Culture has totally changed. We have come a long way since the women’s lib movement. Women in the work place?!! OMG. Women not caring about marriage until their careers are settled?! OMG Women not having babies til their mid to late 30’s?! OMG. What is the world coming to? The world is changing their views on gender roles and what is acceptable. So for a woman who is 39ish, it is ok if she has more than 8-10 partners. She is single. She wants what she wants. Will she marry? Who knows, but she knows what will make her happy. She has passed that proverbial I’m 26 and I’m not married yet phase. This woman dosen’t care about social views on her single life-hood. And we as a society respect that for some reason. The respect we give a 45ish bachelor is the respect we now give the 37ish bachelorette. Maybe it’s because They know what they want or maybe society has given up on them and accepted that hey they need to sleep with someone because they will never get married. Who knows. Maybe that is why I’m getting nagged on to get married and pop out a few kids before my ovaries are old and shriveled up. But I don’t want marriage now, or possibly even the future.

Now the third quote. I found this interesting. I never thought about it, but we women can be very sexual, more so than men. But we do it in different ways. When people talk about sex drives a man can be more sexual because he has more sex, but a woman , like myself, can be off the chart sexual because we find a lot of things sexy. The way a body looks, the curves, the touch of a fabric, the scent of flowers, the taste of food, the satisfaction from chocolate. Whatever a woman at that moment in time is touching, smelling, seeing, or hearing, can make her a volcano ready to explode but she deals with this feeling in a different way a man would. I’m not just saying they will masturbate. Women can do other things that will satisfy their sexual appetite. Just a mere fantasy in their mind can satisfy that moment or whatever is is stimulating them, they caress an nearby object. This may last for a mere 10 seconds but, the need is met. And this is sort of how I am. I will get that urge, but release it by just thinking or touching or even writing. What taking a cold shower is for men, is a woman’s mind of fantasy.

So to say that men have a stronger sex drive is just ridiculous. It’s all about timing. When one drive peeks and the other may be trying to catch up. Maybe that’s why we see so many Hollywood women dating younger men: Demi, Drew, Cameron, Barbara Hershey. All older women reaching or well into their sexual peek dating or married to men in their sexual peek. But the question is will it last?

Here’s is an article that sort of proves my way of thinking.

The cover story for the May 29, 2000 issue of Newsweek Magazine was “The Science of Women’s Sexuality.” The lead article devoted most of its space to the fact that no one had yet come up with a solution to the problem of female sexual desire. Testosterone, the only known aphrodisiac, is plentiful in men and scarce in women, which helps explain the difference between male and female sexual desire.

After eight years of tests involving 3000 women, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, the little blue pill that has transformed some men’s sex lives, has abandoned efforts to prove that the drug works for females, too.

Its exhaustive research has concluded that men and women have a fundamentally different relationship between arousal and desire. A women’s arousal is triggered by a network of emotional, intellectual and relationship-based factors rather than the simple physical response required by a man.

Dr Mitra Boolel, the leader of the company’s sex research team, says: “The brain is the crucial sexual organ in a woman.” While a man’s arousal almost always led to a desire for sex, there was no such obvious corresponding factor with women, he says.

“There’s a disconnect in many women between genital changes and mental changes. This disconnect does not exist in men. Men consistently get erections in the presence of naked women and want to have sex. With women, things depend on myriad factors.”

Plus maybe we are only sexually horny during our most fertile days while men are horny hmmmmm, lets says every second of every minute of every hour or every day of every…well you get the idea.

Female Libido higher during most fertile days
Biological factors appear to increase the likelihood that a woman will have a higher female libido and engage in sexual intercourse during her most fertile days rather than at other times, according to the results of a new study.
J Womens Health Gend Based Med. 2002 Mar;11(2):155-62.

I guess it just shows that women are different from men. What arouses us may not arouse them. And because of this maybe that is why society still views it’s idea of gender roles and what is acceptable and to whom. So I guess the debate still rolls on.

Tags: Sex ; Promiscuity ; Men ; Women

Is it better to get laid or be laid?

I’m dedicating this entry to my dear friend aoife_ardal . I used to have a Livejournal, well I still do I just don’t use it anymore, and my layout was quite scandalous to say the least. She took one look at my little sweet and innocent layout and told me I need to get laid. And even though she was quite forward…she was right. I do need to get laid. It’s been quite sometime since I had a little pickle play. But since this statement was an inspiration, it made me think. Which is better: to get laid or be laid?

Now there is a difference. Getting laid is you doing the laying, while being laid is getting it done to you. Now they both seem pretty straight forward and pretty much the same outcome. You both get what you want really but when is it OK? Do you suffer unforeseen emotions? Or is this a quick little in and out and I no longer wish to see again thing?

Let’s take the getting laid thing. You are the aggressor. You want sex , not love. You want that “dirty, nasty,messy, slap me around and say your my bitch fuck” There are those times that yours truly has festered those carnal animalistic urges. And you can either do 1 of 4 things.

1. Go out with your friends or yourself and pick up some sexy stranger you’ll probably never see again (But that could be A.dangerous and B. judgemental….from your friends perspective)
2. Call your significant other over and just do the dirty deed (but what is the fun in that? don’t raise your eyebrow just yet, I will justify my statement soon)
3. Call the proverbial Fuck buddy over (can this ever be an understood situation? will there be feelings?)
4. Masturbate (Always fun but very lonely and one-sided)

OK, now the justifications. If we take a look at #1 it does look pretty normal. A lot, of people do this. Yes, I know HOWEVER, it can be dangerous. I don’t know about you but I am one who is paranoid about STD’s. I don’t want to catch anything. I had an experience where I found out a past lover had something and never told me until I found the pills that treated that particular STD. We broke up and I went and got tested. I’m clean, thank god. An experience like that is not something I want to go through again. It’s pretty embarrassing. You never think it will happen to you until it smacks you across the face and forces you to face the consequences of you actions. And from this embarrassment, it does lead to a huge judgemental aspect from your friend and whomever else saw or knew you had this little one night pickle pull with a complete stranger. Sure you are a grown person. You can make your own decisions. But just because you do, does it make it OK to go do something like this that is irresponsible. You must think before you act.

Option 2 and 3 kinda go together. To me the whole idea of getting laid is that it is an impulse thing. Sort of a knee jerk response to an urge. You want something now, something you don’t normally have. That something is a boyfriend/girlfriend. The reason why you are so horny is being you don’t have that significant other. You want something that is sort of seen as a taboo. A one-night-stand or a fuck buddy. Someone you know that you sleep with but are “just friends”. So if you have that significant other….just call them up or tap them on the shoulder and tell them…”Hey I’m ready…do me before my window closes”. But if you have a fuck buddy, it is just that? Is this situation defined so NOBODY gets hurt? If you are the aggressor, sure you may know this is just an entertainment deal. But does your friend know and if they know, do they care if they are just that? Because if they don’t then you need to deal with the emotional baggage that will lead to the whole “I know they see me as a Fuck buddy, but maybe one day they realize I am the one for them”. This my friend is so not healthy. You need to end it quick if you are with a person like this. You never know they can go all Fatal Attraction on you and cook your pet bunny.

So option 4. The last option. Masturbate. I’m sure you can find satisfaction from this. But this is very, very one-sided. You are doing ALL the work. Sure you can imagine you are with your fantasy man/woman. Lord knows I fantasize about my older men (for those that know me, you know who I want. For those that don’t well, I’ll give you a few ideas on what type of men rock my canoe. Chris Noth, Sean Bean, Vincent Regan, and Peter Serafinowicz.) But there is only some much “Me Time” one can have before they explode. Those that are virgins, self-pleasure is one thing, but having someone that you care for or are extremely attracted to do it to you is a totally different feeling.

So there is the aggressor side. Now is the “being laid” side. It may seem like the same argument, but in reality it isn’t. Sure you both want the same thing but do you hold any feelings on this side. Knowing myself, I know I would. I could never just have sex without feelings or some sort of attachment. I may act like I don’t care but in reality it hurts knowing that you are someone’s activity toy. When they want to play with you they will but when they are tired and bored they toss you aside. That hurts. That is demeaning. What if this person never calls off this arrangement and you keep taking the punishment because you are the type that hopes they will change and see the trueness of you? However, if you are someone that can keep this situation one the level of just sex, then all the power to you. You have a lot more strength than I do.

That is pretty much my outlook on both sides of the coin. Which is really better? I don’t really know. Sex isn’t something you should take lightly. Regardless, if you want it for fun or just to relieve some sexual tension I think you should think before you act. There are two people (well in most cases unless you are kinky and freaky like that) involved and your feelings aren’t the only ones experiencing the moment. You may feel one way but you can never truly feel what the other person does. Sex is an adult issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Everyone that eventually walks down this road must consider all consequences.

Tags: Sex ; One Night Stand ; Rants