My Mom Calls Me Peon

Entries categorized as ‘Search Engine Terms’

Poppin’ the Cherry

July 20, 2006 · 2 Comments

I cruised on over to my Search Term Blog Stats and saw this “When Does Sex Not Hurt Anymore For Virgins” It made me laugh cause it made me reminisce about when I lost my virginity. Wasn’t a pleasant experience and yes it hurt like HELL!

My “moment” wasn’t as normal as most “moments”. My friend and I went to her BF house and we were just chillin. All of the sudden there was a dare. And we did the dare. All of us together. I had a BF at that time but he stood me up that night. I was pissed. So why not. I was young so don’t be all, “Omg she cheated on her BF” Yes I did. We weren’t exclusive. We never said it was just us, and plus…I have that whole, out of state rule. Ya know the one where if you live out of the state, it doesn’t count as cheating.

Anyway…the moment consisted of showers, fondling, blowing, kissing, touching, erotica, and PAIN! Pain then I first got jammed in the coochie coo. I wanted to relax, but I couldn’t. Things were going slow and god I was tight. He went from me to her, her to me. And that particular act lasted all of about 15 minutes. I got up went to the bathroom and discovered blood. Was I having my period? Did he break my vagina?! No, my cherry was popped. and Fuckin’ ay that hurt. Plus it didn’t help that he had the length and the girth. I literally got scared. But We did it about 3 more times and they all hurt. I never hurt with my BF, but i guess it is because there was some feeling between us. I liked him.

Anyway, that was the story of how i lost my cherry to a huge, girthy cock. BUT..back to this person who was looking for answers.

All I can tell you is the pain will stop when you just relax. Use some lube if your a tad dry. If your not in the mood it will definitely make it harder to feel any type of orgasmic sensation.

Just have sex whent he feeling is there, no matter where you are. Try the outsides, just don’t get caught. Do something freaky, naughty, kinky…just have fun, breathe, relax, and it will come. And seriously try ALL different types of positions.

Hope this helps the recently popped.

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Categories: Humor · Peonic Ranting · Search Engine Terms · Sex

Sick Mother F*ckers

July 11, 2006 · Leave a Comment

Here is another post on the comletely screwed up minds of some people. I like to consider myself a little kinky. I like some weird shit, but…what the hell. I’m not that kinky and I’m not that demented and sick.

Here are some search terms that led people to my Blog. Have fun, have a laugh, but please to anyone that finds this a turn on…get some serious help.

  • my mom saw pictures of a sheep cock in m (don’t know what the rest is…it cut off in my serach engine terms
  • my mom wants to fuck me
  • home alone with my friends horny mom
  • me and my mom want to have sex
  • satisfy mom sex drive
  • mom told my brother to masturbate

As you can see, most of my search engine terms are about sex and mom and the combination of the 2. YOU SICK FREAKS!!!! seriously you are disgusting. and its just not cool.

But the sickest term I had so far is this

  • anal+squeeze out+movie

What the hell is that? Please let me know! or not. I dont know. Ew. Just gross. Go to hell sicko.

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Categories: Peonic Ranting · Search Engine Terms

To the Sicko it may concern

July 6, 2006 · Leave a Comment

This was the latest search engine term I found in my Blog Stats.

“I want sex with my mom”

You disgusting pervert. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?! there is only one time you should see your mom’s hoo-hoo and that is on the way out during labor. My god. You are sick. Seek help. You make the acid from my stomach creep back up. I am tasting the lunch I had yesterday. Go away, seek whatever medical help you can find. Even if it’s the homeless person on the corner of the street. Give him a Fiver and tell him your problems and take his advice. Just go, go away.

Now because of this I am making a section for my WEIRD SEARCH ENGINE TERMS…or sick search engine terms

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Categories: Peonic Ranting · Search Engine Terms

How People get to your Blog

June 29, 2006 · Leave a Comment

So As I am looking at my blog stats, I look to the bottom of the page where it says Search engine terms. Since I’m not that savvy with the blog (meaning terms and such. I just write) I really didn’t understand what the stats or feeds mean or which is better. Which means people are actually reading your blog as opposed to just like viewing. (I don’t know the difference)

But I see it states on the Search engine terms

  • “These are terms people used to find your blog.”

Cool. BUT as I looked at these terms, I was shocked. The terms that some people use to search for whatever they are searching for is quite funny but puzzling and a tad disturbing. Here are some examples

 

Search Terms for 7 days ending 2006-06-29

Today

Search Views
period poop 1
my mom jumped and her big boobs bounced 1

Yesterday

Search Views
hips dont lie shakira music from you tub 1

2006-06-27

Search Views

2006-06-26

Search Views
hate heavy periods 1

2006-06-25

None

2006-06-24

Search Views
watch videos online of people having ha 1
hot wax is not your friend 1

2006-06-23

Search Views
head waxing 2
peon4life 1
how to get hot wax out of hair 1

2006-06-22

Search Views
email story about a woman who was waxing 1
escrapbooking 1

So there are my terms. Interesting to say the least. But I guess since my blog is a mish mash of wonderful stories and rants from Advertising to the Great Aunt Flow and her Period Poop side effects. But I really want to know what the person looks like who looked up “Philadelphia hair removal butt wax”

So What are some of your Search Engine terms? Oh and here is another random animation for you.Oh and for the many of you that are concerned for my well being from the Great NJ/PA Flood (yes i know i can count you all on one hand) We aren’t in the vicinity of any danger yet. The Delaware River is rising a bit near us, but we aren’t in any danger. Just feel bad for the blokes that it did hit. Especially the place I interviewed at for a job. Main Street in Manayunk got flooded, the place where I was hoping to work. Maybe I’ll hear back from them next week.

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Categories: Peonic Ranting · Search Engine Terms