My Mom Calls Me Peon

Being a woman is so great

July 22, 2006 · 3 Comments

I was in CVS, standing in the checkout line when a girl behind me was eyeing my groceries. She then leaned over and said “I noticed you bought JujuBees and chocolate then noticed your pads. You must be on your period. I do the same thing too”

I told her ” I wanted deli pickles but they dont carry them at CVS”. We started laughing. Great bonding experience between women. Just made me think how great we are and how we can relate to each other in a way that no one else can. We feel each others pain, and crave the food we crave.

We Rock! Any stories you want to share with me on your “Cycle?”

What are some of your Cycle Stories?
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Poppin’ the Cherry

July 20, 2006 · 2 Comments

I cruised on over to my Search Term Blog Stats and saw this “When Does Sex Not Hurt Anymore For Virgins” It made me laugh cause it made me reminisce about when I lost my virginity. Wasn’t a pleasant experience and yes it hurt like HELL!

My “moment” wasn’t as normal as most “moments”. My friend and I went to her BF house and we were just chillin. All of the sudden there was a dare. And we did the dare. All of us together. I had a BF at that time but he stood me up that night. I was pissed. So why not. I was young so don’t be all, “Omg she cheated on her BF” Yes I did. We weren’t exclusive. We never said it was just us, and plus…I have that whole, out of state rule. Ya know the one where if you live out of the state, it doesn’t count as cheating.

Anyway…the moment consisted of showers, fondling, blowing, kissing, touching, erotica, and PAIN! Pain then I first got jammed in the coochie coo. I wanted to relax, but I couldn’t. Things were going slow and god I was tight. He went from me to her, her to me. And that particular act lasted all of about 15 minutes. I got up went to the bathroom and discovered blood. Was I having my period? Did he break my vagina?! No, my cherry was popped. and Fuckin’ ay that hurt. Plus it didn’t help that he had the length and the girth. I literally got scared. But We did it about 3 more times and they all hurt. I never hurt with my BF, but i guess it is because there was some feeling between us. I liked him.

Anyway, that was the story of how i lost my cherry to a huge, girthy cock. BUT..back to this person who was looking for answers.

All I can tell you is the pain will stop when you just relax. Use some lube if your a tad dry. If your not in the mood it will definitely make it harder to feel any type of orgasmic sensation.

Just have sex whent he feeling is there, no matter where you are. Try the outsides, just don’t get caught. Do something freaky, naughty, kinky…just have fun, breathe, relax, and it will come. And seriously try ALL different types of positions.

Hope this helps the recently popped.

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→ 2 CommentsCategories: Humor · Peonic Ranting · Search Engine Terms · Sex

Sick Mother F*ckers

July 11, 2006 · Leave a Comment

Here is another post on the comletely screwed up minds of some people. I like to consider myself a little kinky. I like some weird shit, but…what the hell. I’m not that kinky and I’m not that demented and sick.

Here are some search terms that led people to my Blog. Have fun, have a laugh, but please to anyone that finds this a turn on…get some serious help.

  • my mom saw pictures of a sheep cock in m (don’t know what the rest is…it cut off in my serach engine terms
  • my mom wants to fuck me
  • home alone with my friends horny mom
  • me and my mom want to have sex
  • satisfy mom sex drive
  • mom told my brother to masturbate

As you can see, most of my search engine terms are about sex and mom and the combination of the 2. YOU SICK FREAKS!!!! seriously you are disgusting. and its just not cool.

But the sickest term I had so far is this

  • anal+squeeze out+movie

What the hell is that? Please let me know! or not. I dont know. Ew. Just gross. Go to hell sicko.

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My Savage Animal gave Birth to Damnocracy

July 11, 2006 · 1 Comment

I was You.Tubing today hoping to see some clips from VH1’s Supergroup. I was lucy enough to find the funniest clip. It’s when Sebastian is trying to pimp the name “Savage Animal” off to everyone. I just find it hilarious because all he keeps saying is “Savage Animal” left and right and everyone hates it….including me.

But once you get him started….he never stops. Dude he is hilarious. Plus there is a bonus because I get to see Jason shirtless. So you know I’ll be playig this clip over and over and over and over etc…

So enjoy the clip:

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DAMNOCRACY!!!!

July 7, 2006 · 5 Comments

They are freaking awesome baby. It’s been a long while since I heard some REAL Rock N’ Roll. Not the crap that is the pseudo wanna be rock. Today it just seems that the acts today, don’t even know how to play. I don’t even want to talk about today’s R&B/Rap/Hip Hop because it is incredibly different from the past. There is no originality, no effort into actually creating a song. Just sample a hit from the pass , like Sting’s “Every breathe you take” and throw in Puffy or Diddy or whatever the hell he is calling himself today and there instant hit. FROM 20 YEARS AGO! There is not thought process, perhaps its from our society today not putting an pressure on kids to actually think for themselves but follow the sheep as they voluntarily jump off the cliff, because the Paris Hilton Sheep said it was “Hawt”.

Back when I grew up in the 80’s and early 90’s (pre 1995, I still say music has went downhill after 1995) rock and even rap had a meaning. If it was political OK. Fine. But it was done in an intelligent way where it wasn’t so in your face. It was more like an informative and “Hey, let me just stop you for a moment so you can see what is going on in my perspective”. For example, Marvin Gaye’s “Mother, Mother”, Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi”, Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”. Subtle, intelligent, political , informative, and classics. Today’s generation has The Black Eyed Peas and P. Diddy speaking for them. They are told to Vote or Die, not because voting was important and what ever citizen should be apart of and be informed in what was going on in the world and not just their personal world, but because it was cool because you get a cool T-shirt and you can be like Diddy or Paris, or whatever other pop star just wanted to be seen at that time. Some of these people didn’t even vote, even after they were telling the youths of today to vote ::cough Paris Hilton cough::

I know I am picking on her a lot, but she represents EVERYTHING that is wrong with today’s youths, especially the girls. This is a woman who does nothing but tries to be in the spotlight for whatever reason. She doesn’t stand for anything except being an attention whore, wearing next to nothing, getting into car accidents but not paying the same penalty us regular people would have to, telling girls not to “give it up” so easily but clearly is a hypocrite in that department. Why would any girl want to be like her. Just because she is beautiful to some people, I’m not one to think she is, anyone that appears that shallow without even knowing them is definitely ugly to me. Someone who doesn’t have convictions or is knowledgeable or aware of what is going on in the world or even their own country, is ugly. She is the worse role model anyone could have. She will make girls be easy and boys think all girls are easy because they dress and act like Paris. (and yes, I did hear her new song. It’s total crap. She can’t sing. Kudos to the back-up singers that are pumped up high enough to try and drown her vocals out. This is a clear rip-off of Blonde’s “The tide is High” and a rip-off on Gwen Stefani and Debbie Harry’s vocal styles. This girl can’t do anything original and she will never do it better.)

And yes, I am a product of the 80’s so before you even say I can’t talk about my role models, Madonna was a role model. She made it OK for girls to be strong and accept their sexuality without flaunting it but embracing it. She made us aware of political issues. She stood for expression and free speech. Whether it be the cross burnings or her Sex book. It was about knowing who you are and standing up for expression when other tried to pull you down and call your art anything but. Madonna today….hmmm that’s another rant.

Anyway, back onto the subject of rock. I watched Supergroup on VH1. I love Damnocracy and I hope they do put out an album at least. I would love it if they toured, especially around the Philly or South Jersey area. And not because I am a total drooly fan girl of Jason Bonham, but also it’s great to hear the Bach man sing. Skid Row was just insane. He is insane. Ted Nugent, what can you say, he is freaking cool as shit. Bonham, yes I am biased but his skills and his lineage say it all. I’m sad to say I only listened to a few things of Anthrax from back in the day, mostly because that metal really wasn’t my thing. And Evan, well ya, Biohazard isn’t my cup of tea either. I’m not saying they are crap. I just don’t listen to that type of music. But I may DL a few songs just to sample that style.

My taste in music ranges from all over. I listen to jazz, to blues, to motown, to rock, to southern rock (love this style the most…just has that southern flavor I miss), to heavy metal, Glam rock, Hard rock, Classical music, and even some old school rap.

I’m not really into punk. I like a few songs, but to me it seems like they got so frustrated at their attempts to play/write rock that they just started slamming into each other and call their angst music.

I love acts such as Billie Holiday, Dizzy Gillespie, Etta James, Bessie Smith, Temptations, Louis Armstrong, Stevie Wonder, Chuck Berry, Johnny Cash, Queen, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Fleetwood Mac, Pat Benetar, The Cars, Talking Heads, INXS, George Thorogood, Steve Miller, David Bowie…etc….

Queen has to be my absolute favorite band. No one can out sing or out shine the frontmanship of Freddie Mercury. He was just electrifying and his voice was captivating and just pure rock.

Anyway, as I sit here writing this post I have completely forgotten why I decided to write this in the first place. My mind is a total blank right now so continuing on would seem like utter ramblings. So I leave you with these 2 links to Damnocracy. One for the official site and one for the Myspace site. I have a myspace page but I don’t update it anymore. So check here for more of my rants. But if you want to check out my myspace page, check my links on the side, it’s under “My other sites” category.

Here are the links:

Damnocracy Myspace (Updated by Sebastian and Scott from what I read on the blog. Plus you can hear 3 songs from Damnocracy)

Official Damnocracy Website

And I command you all to see this classic mockumentary of the greatest Fictional Heavy Metal Band to ever exist. It’s funny, it’s eerie, it’s just a classic that all rock, metal, and music fans should watch…over and over and over again.
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Jason Bonham, the drummer of my heart

July 6, 2006 · Leave a Comment

Yesterday at the 4th of July concert at Cooper River Park, Foreigner headlined the show. I was so stoked because I remembered them from the 80’s with such power ballads like “I’ve been waiting for a girl like you” and “I wanna know what Love is”. I was even more stoked that they were there because I am a huge fan of Jason Bonham. Not only does he come from great genes…His Dad was the amazing drummer for Led Zeppelin, but he is just so freaking handsome. (look to the right. Don’t you just love the tat?)
He is even hotter because he is a musician, a drummer in fact, but can also play the piano/keyboard and guitar and even that funky tambourine. (He played it at the concert yesterday during an acoustic song) See I knew we had so much in common. I can play tambourine and sing …well in the shower when no one is around to hear me. And sound even better in the car…with the radio pumped up all the way up so I can’t hear myself. Only a few problems we have in front of us

  1. He is married
  2. He doesn’t know me
  3. He has kids
  4. He is touring
  5. He is 40, but I love older men
  6. He is married

So, I’m just going to have to deal with having him in my fantasies. But those are always the best times to have your rock star boyfriends. All I have to say is what wouldn’t I do to this man if I had just an hour with him. So So gooooooood. So I will leave you with Foreigner’s appearance on the Today Show:

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To the Sicko it may concern

July 6, 2006 · Leave a Comment

This was the latest search engine term I found in my Blog Stats.

“I want sex with my mom”

You disgusting pervert. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?! there is only one time you should see your mom’s hoo-hoo and that is on the way out during labor. My god. You are sick. Seek help. You make the acid from my stomach creep back up. I am tasting the lunch I had yesterday. Go away, seek whatever medical help you can find. Even if it’s the homeless person on the corner of the street. Give him a Fiver and tell him your problems and take his advice. Just go, go away.

Now because of this I am making a section for my WEIRD SEARCH ENGINE TERMS…or sick search engine terms

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Celebrities… so transparent, and so superficial

July 5, 2006 · 2 Comments

I went onto my google hompage and saw on my Entertainment tab something about Cindy Sheehan, the woman that is protesting the war…don’t ask me my views on this woman. All I will say is I’m sorry for her loss, but her son did go into the military and this was expected to happen, and when you are in the military then you do what you’re told, if not then never join in the first place. I respect her choice to protest, her right, but she needs to get over it. The government will not listen to her.

Anyway, I saw the name and read the article. Apparently she is going on a fast. A peace fast. Ok whatever, lose some weight, and still not get heard by the president and government. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU! and frankly, neither do I. But I saw that celebrities want in on the action, because they are so self-aware of the political enviroment and know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING on how to not go to war and deal with other countries and their attaacks on US civilians (I’m not for the war, but celebrities really need to keep their mouths shut on issues like this because they know just as much as us “regular” people know, not much)

They are joining Sheehan in this fast………sort of. She will be on a fast and live on water, tea, and juices til Sept. 1. The celebrities will fast…….on certain days. They will do “Rolling Fasts”. What the hell is that. Did they just make it up. The think of Rolling Black Outs and a little enviromentally safe lightbulb wen off in their much too empty heads and though “HEY!, this is how we can show we are serious about the war and support for peace! Let’s not so a complete fast cause, we are the beautiful people, and plus we are too spoiled. I must keep my business dinner with Spielberg at Spago so I can get that part in the Remake of E.T. and his TV version of the A-Team!”

So yes, they are asking us to take part in “designated rolling fast” days. Whatever. Just die you incompetent actors. You really annoy the hell out of me. Where is Ted Nugent when you need him to shot an arrow through the hearts of these “celebrities”

Here is the article if you want to read it. It’s under the break.
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To the girl that wanted to know if you could poop with a tampon in…

July 4, 2006 · 3 Comments

I saw your search term and it made me laugh. But I decided to write you so you can know if it is ok to poop with a tampon in. Since no one knows you and this is totally anynomus you can find your answer. So here it is:

Yes you can poop with a tampon in. You can have anal sex with a tampon in. You can pee with a tampon in. You can swim with a tampon in. You can even exercise with a tampon in. The only thing I suggest is if you swim with a tampon in, it will swell up. I don’t suggest vaginal sex with it in, because A. it would really hurt and you could lose the string up there, and B. it would be extremely messy anyway. I never have sex when I have my period. Not worth it, and its just gross.

Oh, I suggest if you are on a heavy flow, you obviously will be changing the tampon very often, however, if you have to poop your tampon may fall out because

  • Saturated with the blood and it slips out easily
  • Or You are applying too much anal squeeze to your anus to get the poop to come out forcing the tampon to become a birth of sorts. Meaning you are basically pushing the same way you would if you were giving birth to a baby. Just don’t blow out your butt hole and don’t squeeze too much, you can get HEMMOROIDS!!

On a different note, Happy pre-JULY 4th!!!! Good BBQ’S and GOOD SPIRITS!!!

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Older Men vs. Younger Boys

July 3, 2006 · 6 Comments

SO here is a new question. How old is too old? Now from my point of view, I personally feel the man should always be older than the woman. I just think it is natural that way. I have never dated a younger man. The youngest person I dated was 8 years my senior. I was 19 he was 27 and he was still immature. Is dating a man younger or older than you prove where you are mentally and emotionally?

I for one, have always though as a more mature woman than my real age. OK granted, I’m now 27, but my taste in older men haven’t changed. I’ve actually have gone up in years. I u sed to think men who are 15 years older than me were sexy. Now I’m finding men my mom’s age sexy. My mom is like 52. I have seen some handsome men that age. And men never really seem to mature as quickly as women, but for those women who are looking for younger men…are they still looking to hold on to some youth or is it for fun?

I guess you can say pretty much the same thing about older men that date younger women. Maybe they are trying to hold on to some youth or maybe they are trying to prove to themselves that they still “have it”. But still, When I look at an older man, I do look at his financial situation. I do look at where he lives, how he lives, what car he drives (if he lives in the city it is becomes void, but the living situation should be alot better). This may seem kinda superficial and gold digger like, but its not. You are just trying to find the most suitable mate for you. One that can provide for you. I don’t believe in that feminist crap about women can now make the money, cause lets face it, men make more and always should in certain societies because it is their job to be the provider.

So when I look at all these things in a man, usually an older man has already achieved this and in being so has reached that emotional maturity level we women are already at in our mid 20’s to mid 30’s. We are ready for that man to care for us and to treat us the way we deserve to be treated. That is why I love older men. Granted, not all older men are like this there will always be exceptions. But that is my ideal and I know alot of women’s ideals.

So for me, when I look at young boys…my age 27 and under ok 27 to the legal age of 18. I could never date them. Because:

1. They most likely still live at home with the parents
2. have a crappy car
3. Still look forward to the weekends to Toke up a fatty and get wasted on cheap beer
4. Look to you to supply the alcohol if they are under the legal drinking age
5. Want you to teach them how to have sex
6. Don’t last quite as long because they have the age disorder of ejaculating prematurely (ya know they see a breast and oops! there goes the creamy spooge all over your expensive sheets)
7. Still laugh at the words cock, pussy, fart, penis, vagina, booger…etc…..
8. Don’t have a decent job
9. Expect you to pay for everything
10. Can;t buy you a decent present one time during the whole year.

Also, I think it may be the  older celebrities on TV and film that strike my fancy onto older men. I know I will never meet them, but If by some grace of god I do, I would so  Ride them like a cowboy on a bucking bronco that never gives up. For instance, like earlier in my posts, I have a thing for Philip Seymour Hoffman, I just think he is incredibly talented  and by the interviews seems down to earth.  Then there is Chris Noth. Oh my god. He is my Mr. Big. HE is just what I am attracted to because he seems unattainable. Not just him persay but a person like him. I think some of us women are just glutton for punishment. We like the pain this main gives us because the pleasure is just so much more. Like you’re in complete ecstacy but you don’t care that he will cheat on you (ok you will, but you put up with it) but you take him back because he is what you want. Chris may not be like this but his character was on Sex and the City.  He was the man that you always wanted but he would never fully commit himself to you until it seemed to late. Even if he never commited and you ended up with someone else, he would be the one guy you would leave your husband for. And that is the man I want. I want that pain but I want that pleasure. Maybe I am a masochist, or maybe I am just reading too much into a character from a TV show. But hey if I’m ever up in the City again I’m gonna try and go to his bar just to see if I can get him interested. Even if it is for a one night stand.

But back on the topic of this post, what do you prefer, a man or a boy? and if you think I’m way off base, let me know, but I don’t think I am.

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